Hi Mama,
I don't know where to start... I don't know where you are. I don't know what I believe anymore. Are you "looking down" on us, watching over us like all the well-wishers (read: morbid interferers) would tell us when we grieve for you?
I miss you. Every day. I realize it's been almost 10 years. I realize that this means, by most others standards, that I should be OK with your absence. But I'm not. WE are not.
I know that dying wasn't what you wanted. I know you didn't ask to leave us. But you didn't stop it either. You knew you were sick. You knew for a long time before you were told. You were too scared to make changes. Too afraid to save yourself.
It's weird. I wasn't angry for the longest time. I didn't hold you accountable. But, now? now I do.
Jennifer
